Handling Criticism without Losing Your Cool

Do you want to know how to avoid criticism? 

Do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. It’s really that easy. 

If you’re not doing anything to make an impact, no one will have any reason to drag you down. But the moment you become a leader and aim to do what God has called you to do, you will face criticism. It’s a guarantee. Pastor, criticism comes with your calling. But you don’t have to let criticism defeat you. 

I’ve faced a lot of criticism over the years. People criticized me for Saddleback’s “seeker-sensitive” approach, my interactions with diverse backgrounds and beliefs, and even the church’s rapid growth early on. Through all of it, I’ve learned that criticism often says more about the critic than it does about us. Understanding this has taught me a valuable lesson about loving my critics. 

Loving Your Critics

When you understand where criticism is coming from, you can respond with grace rather than defensiveness. 

Most critics are dealing with their own pain, insecurities, and unmet needs. They’re broken (just like the rest of us) and often have never truly experienced the love and grace of Jesus. They don’t feel love or acceptance, so they don’t want others to experience those things either. Hurt people hurt people.

Your critics don’t need your wrath. They need a massive amount of love. They have a giant hole in their heart saying, “Love me!” If they aren’t getting love, they figure they might as well get attention. So they spend their time criticizing others. 

To know how you should respond to critics, look at how Jesus handled his biggest critics, the religious leaders of his day. He didn’t eat with only the sinners of his day—he ate with the Pharisees too. Jesus loved the self-righteous critics of his day and so should we.

Handling Criticism

As you faithfully love your critics, you can learn from their criticism. Here’s a simple three-step formula that has helped me handle criticism in a Christ-honoring way.

1. If it’s true, listen and learn from it. We need to develop an openness to learning from our mistakes and from others’ criticism. It takes inner security to do this, but it’ll pay dividends for years to come.
   
2. If it’s untrue, ignore it. Most people tend to rehash criticisms over and over, bringing them up in their thoughts long after they should have buried the criticisms. But you need to remember—your critics often lash out at you because of something broken in them. It’s not about you.
   
   Paul dealt with criticism, but he realized he couldn’t fulfill God’s call on his life if he dwelt on those criticisms. So he wrote to the church of Philippi, “I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us . . .” (Philippians 3:13-14 TLB). That’s a great lesson for us as we deal with critics today.
   
3. Learn to judge yourself by God’s standards, not everyone else’s. You have an important choice when you respond to critics: You can trust God, or you can fear what others say.
   
   The Bible warns us, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe” (Proverbs 29:25 NIV). The moment we start worrying about what our critics think, we fall into a trap. The “fear of man” is a deadly trap for pastors that will cripple our ministries and distract us from our calling. But as long as we focus on pleasing God, we can face criticism without fearing failure.
   
   I try to live my life in such a way that one day, when I stand before Jesus, I’ll hear him say: “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You  have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. . . . Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world” (Matthew 25: 23, 34 NLT).
   
   That’ll be worth any criticism that comes my way. If Jesus is pleased with my ministry, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.
   

Keep On

Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 16:9, “A great door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many who oppose me” (NIV). When you’re doing God’s will, you’ll often find yourself experiencing opposition.  

But don’t let criticism stop you from what God wants to do through your ministry. 

One of the most repeated phrases in the New Testament is “keep on.” We see it in Colossians 2:6: “You have accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord. Now keep on following him” (CEV). Ministry isn’t a 50-yard dash. It’s a marathon. It requires resilience in the face of criticism. If you’ve done the hard work of the three steps above, then it’s time to keep pressing on in the work God has called you to. 

Pastor, no matter what kind of criticism you’re facing right now, don’t let it keep you from what God has called you to do. Live for an audience of one. When your critics are right, learn from them. When they’re not right, forget about them. 

And keep on doing what God has called you to do.